How to ask for help

There are times we all need a little support – someone to pick up the kids from school, collect a few groceries, or listen when we need to talk. Being diagnosed with cancer may mean that you need more of that help than usual.

If you aren’t used to asking for help, it may feel awkward asking people to do something for you. But people usually want to help – especially when you are unwell. In fact, not knowing what they can do can leave friends or family feeling helpless.

Ways to organise help

Start with a list, diary or calendar of appointments and needs. Then add in who can help as you go.

To ask for help, you could send a group message, email or social media post to a closed group. Apps like Gather My Crew can also help you get organised.

A friend, neighbour or family member may be able to coordinate help and send updates if you are tired or don’t want to talk. This person doesn’t need to live close by – they could be interstate or even overseas. Your doctor or social worker may also be able to offer suggestions for how to get help and support.

What you may need help with

	Travel You may need help getting to appointments (doctors, tests, treatment) and people are often happy to drive you. Your treatment centre or hospital may offer transport services. Try a taxi or rideshare during times when people can’t help.
	Home help A neighbour may be able to take out your bin or mow the lawn. You could ask any visitors to help with cleaning, washing up or laundry. Consider a cleaner, laundry or gardening service. Ask a community or social worker about what external home help you may be eligible for.
	Making meals Offers to cook are common, so ask for what’s most helpful. That may be school lunches for the kids or easy-to-heat dinners. Explain what you can eat (e.g. soft or light foods). Meal delivery services can cater to specific dietary needs.
	Shopping and errands Have someone collect a bag of groceries or pick up your prescriptions for you. Chemists can usually organise to have your prescriptions delivered too.
	Caring support You may need child-minding, help to look after someone you usually care for like a parent, or pet-sitting if you’re unwell or in hospital.
	Regular duties If you volunteer at a school, charity or club, you could ask someone else to take your place. This can ease the pressure if you are worried about letting anyone down.
	Emotional support A counsellor, social worker or psychologist can help talk through your feelings. It may also be nice for someone to sit with you during treatment, visit you at home, or call or message to check in. Consider making a regular time for these check-ins.

People who may be able to help

Make a list of who can help, their contact details and what they can do (e.g. Jan can drive me to treatment). This list can help a carer, friend or nurse if they need to know who to contact or call (e.g. to collect you from hospital).

Community – Your neighbours, cultural or religious group or local community organisations may offer help (e.g. a senior’s group). Support could also come from a club (e.g. a walking or book club) you are in, or volunteer for. Check with your local council – they may have programs that can help too.

Health organisations – Ask your GP about community and other health services available to you. Your cancer type may also have a support group (e.g. Bowel Cancer Australia). Charities or hospitals may also be able to offer you support (e.g. McGrath Foundation Nurses support all cancer types).

Family – We often rely on one family member, but a partner, child, parent, in-law or cousin may also be able to help. Think about people who can be a “back-up” if your carer is away or needs a break. Someone nearby is convenient, but people may also be happy to come for a visit to help you for a time.

Friends – When people hear you have cancer they may say, “Let me know what I can do”. And they usually mean it. As well as people you see often, consider old friends you’d feel comfortable reaching out to. They may like to reconnect and offer some support.

Social workers – Your treatment centre or hospital social worker may be able to suggest support services (e.g. home care), as well as offer you counselling.

People you work with – Depending on your workplace, you may feel okay asking a colleague for help (e.g. driving you to work).

Things that you could say…