How to talk to someone with cancer

It’s always a good idea to check on the people around us, especially those having a difficult time.

When someone has cancer, it can be hard to know what to say or do.

We’ve got some helpful advice on how to support and talk to someone with cancer.

Here’s a simple guide will help you start a kind conversation and show that you care.

Helpful tips for speaking to someone with cancer: 

Let them know you’re willing to listen

Let them know you’re willing to listen, because sometimes a caring listener is what they need most.

Ask “Do you want to share what’s going on for you today?”

From time to time throughout their treatment and recovery, ask the person how they are feeling. There isn’t usually a perfect time, so simply ask when you feel is best.

Invite them places

Keep them in the loop and invite them out but let them know it’s okay to decline if they’re not up for it.

Show you care

Little gestures like sending a card, dropping off a meal, or checking if they’re up for a visit can make a big difference.

Keep it normal

If hugs and hand-holding were part of your relationship before, keep doing them. Treat them as you always have.

Respect their terms

They might not like labels like “sufferer” or “survivor.” Follow their lead on how they refer to their situation.

Talk about other things too

Although it’s important to ask how they’re feeling, it’s okay to chat about other things happening in both of your lives.

Things to avoid when speaking to someone with cancer:  

Giving unrealistic reassurances

Saying “don’t worry” or “stay positive” can come off as dismissive. Of course, they may worry and so might you.

Offering advice

They’ll be making decisions with their medical team.

Don’t compare stories

Everyone’s cancer journey is different. Instead of sharing stories of others, focus on their experience.

Avoid probing questions

Depending on your relationship, the person may not want to tell you about something personal (e.g. their prognosis).

Be mindful of observations

Comments like “you’ve lost weight” or “you don’t look sick” might not be helpful.

Treat them normally

Talk to them like you always have, look them in the eye and talk in a normal voice.

Need more tips? Check out our ‘How Can I Help?’ guide or podcast, ‘How to Help Someone with Cancer’.

If you need support in caring for someone with cancer, want guidance on what to say, or would like a printed brochure, contact Cancer Council’s 13 11 20 Information and Support Service. This confidential service connects you with experienced health professionals who can offer advice and support.

Cancer Council 13 11 20 is here to help. Reach out to talk about how you’re feeling or to get answers to your questions.