When a family member has cancer

When a student’s parent, sibling or other important family member has cancer, the impact can be profound. School attendance and performance, social relationships and behaviour can all be affected. Teachers and other school staff play a key role in maintaining a sense of stability and normality for the student during this challenging time.

Learn more about:

• When a parent has cancer
• When a sibling has cancer
• When another family member has cancer
• How young people react
• Respecting a family’s privacy
• Changes in school performance
• How your school can help
• Helping classmates understand
• Talking about cancer

When a parent has cancer

Each year in Australia, more than 127,000 people are diagnosed with cancer. About one-third of these people are under 60 and many will have a child under age 18.

When a parent is told they have cancer, their first concern is often for their family. How will the children react? What should they be told? How will it affect their lives? Each parent answers these questions in their own way, depending on their individual circumstances. It is common for parents to have to make many difficult personal decisions, experience financial strain, feel overwhelmed or become more protective of their children.

Children may experience a range of conflicting emotions when their parent has cancer, from sadness, fear and anxiety to anger, frustration and guilt. They may have to take on more responsibilities at home and cope with disrupted routines, changes in family dynamics and even increased conflict.

Without age-appropriate information, young people often realise their parent is ill but imagine a scenario that might be much worse than the reality. Information tailored to the age and individual needs of the child can reduce fears and help them cope with the challenges facing the family. If the family would like help finding appropriate and reliable information, you can suggest they contact Cancer Council 13 11 20.

When a sibling has cancer

Young people with a brother or sister who has cancer can experience huge disruptions in their life. The parental attention at home is suddenly shifted, daily routines are disrupted, and family roles and responsibilities change.

Healthy siblings have the highest unmet needs in families affected by childhood cancer. They may feel great sadness, fear and anxiety, as well as more complicated emotions such as guilt, jealousy, resentment and anger. Because so much focus is on their brother or sister, they may feel that their needs do not deserve to be met and that they have no right to complain. They may also feel embarrassed about their family now being different to other families.

If the child with cancer attends the same school, the sibling may be asked questions about their brother or sister’s diagnosis that they find distressing or don’t have the answers to. If the family agrees, it may be appropriate to include teachers and students from the sibling’s class in any talks about cancer given to the sick student’s class. It would also be supportive to nominate a trusted staff member as the sibling’s “go to” person, someone they can talk to about their worries or frustrations.

Despite the many challenges of having a brother or sister with cancer, some siblings are enriched by the experience. They grow in compassion and empathy towards others, and find their own inner reliance and strength.

When another family member has cancer

Children can be greatly affected by the cancer diagnosis of family members such as grandparents, as well as of any other key figures in their life, including guardians and close family friends. They are likely to feel worried and sad about the person’s illness.

If the child’s parents are closely involved with the person who has cancer, life at home might be disrupted and the child may feel like they are receiving less attention.

→ READ MORE: How young people react

Podcast: Family Dynamics and Cancer

Listen to more episodes from our podcast for people affected by cancer